I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
