Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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