there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
