I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
