My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
