I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
