Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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