i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
