dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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