I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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