Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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