well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
