first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
