He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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