Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
