You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
