so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
