omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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