So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
