Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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