im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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