But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
