Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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