well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
