My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
