In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
