it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
