This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
