if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So here I am, sexting at work.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Pooping to opera.
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