we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
