the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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