God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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