She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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