I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
