new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
