If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
