I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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