i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
