The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
