I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i barfeds in our rink
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
