here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
