I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
