They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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