Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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