So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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