Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
