Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
