Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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