I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
