well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
