Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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