if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
