just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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