we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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