I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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