i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
