I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
