I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
