I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
